Monday, 11 May 2020

Let's Talk Babies: Why Fostering/Adoption Isn't For Us

In my last Let's Talk Babies update, I spoke about how we'd decided to foster, because adoption posed some requirements we just weren't able to meet, and were embarking on the long journey to becoming foster parents. Well, today I'm here to update you on that journey and why it hasn't worked out for us. 

We faced a number of barriers in becoming adoptive parents. One being my weight. Yes, believe it or not, weight can be a barrier to adopting. Discrimination, much? Another being their requirement for both prospective parents to work with children once a week for the duration of the adoption application process. Which is impossible for my husband, who would have to take a day off work each week for however long. We would then struggle financially and potentially find ourselves in a position whereby we couldn't financially support a child. So we wrote off adoption, but I'd heard that the route to fostering wasn't quite so demanding and both my husband and I loved the idea of giving a child in need a home, whether temporarily or for longer.

We met with the social worker assigned to take us through the first stage of the adoption application process. We had an interview that lasted nearly five hours spread out over two sessions. And it was very informative. We were hopeful and optimistic after the social worker left. She seemed confident we'd be able to progress and although the process was long it seemed doable. However, we then received the report from our social worker to her supervisor advising on whether or not we were suitable to progress. 

The good news? We are suitable to progress. The bad news? They want us to get more experience with children by volunteering to work with children. The very thing that stopped us adopting. The very thing we explained to our social worker put us off adopting. I was also irked by their concerns that my chronic migraines could be a barrier, as well as my weight. 

One thing we weren't aware of before we started the journey to becoming foster parents was that they recommend people caring for a child between 0-2 years not to foster. This means we would have to put plans for having our own child on hold. And with my biological tick clicking, that didn't really feel like an option. 

With all these barriers and our desire to have a child of our own, we've made the decision to put our fostering application on hold. We can return to it at any point in the future. If we find it impossible to have children of our own as the years go on or want to foster once our own children are a little older, we can continue with the process without having to repeat the first stage. 

So, where does that leave us? I was due to see my gynaecologist this month for a six month check-up. But I don't see that happening with all that's currently going on. I made the decision to come off the pill myself about two months ago and have, so far, had fairly consistent and regular periods. I've heard people say that when they came off the pill, they got pregnant. And as my only problem is hormones, I'm hopeful. We'll keep trying, and hopefully I'll have a more positive update for you soon! 

Have you had any experience of the foster/adoption process? 

Post a Comment