Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Dealing With Abusive Relationships*

Sometimes, it’s hard to even admit to yourself that you’re in an abusive relationship. However, it’s important to know when to spot the signs of abuse, how to end the relationship, and how to go about moving on. Although the majority of abusers in relationships are male, there are cases of female abuse in relationships. All abuse should be viewed equally, and the following content is aimed at anyone who believes they are being abused, either mentally or physically.

How to spot them

Abusive relationships will never be black and white. There are deep emotional connections involved, and although you’ll take this into account – try and think of the following as a checklist for your relationship. If your partner does any of these things, consider the relationship’s future and seek advice from family and friends.

Isolation – Your partner continually cuts you away from your family and friends in order to spend more time with you. This can seen innocent at first. However, the more isolated you become, the more dependant you become on your partner. This, in turn, gives them more power over you in the long run.

Blame – Does your partner blame you for their feelings? When they’re angry, are they just angry? or are you the cause of their anger? This goes for mistakes. Are you constantly blamed for their mistakes? Be wary of this, as blame can lead to violence and feelings of worthlessness in the long run if continual.

Jealousy - Does your partner become jealous at the thought of you with friends or family? This very much ties into the idea of isolation. The more jealous your partner becomes, the more isolated you can feel by them in social situations.

Expectation – Do you get yelled at when a standard isn’t met in the home? Are they constantly belittling you because you have done things differently to the way they would do them? Perfection isn’t realistic in a relationship. We all have issues to deal with and expecting someone to meet standards is unfair and cruel.

Controlling tendencies – Does your partner check your phone, your receipts, even your bank account? This is a red flag. Issues like this can lead to bigger problems down the line. If this has escalated, and you need to ask permission in order to do things with your friends and family, please consider getting help.

Physical violence – If you have been hit by your partner in the past, or they have threatened you in any way, then you need to leave immediately and find help from loved ones. This can extend to those outside of your relationship, such as children and animals.

How to leave the relationship

Once you’ve established that the relationship is a sinking ship – you need to get out of there. The first step is to get help. Find loving and secure people in your life and ask for help. It isn’t weak to do so and any decent human being will be willing to help you.

You must also find a way to be strong within yourself. Leaving someone can be hard as it is. But when you have an abusive relationship in your life, ending things can be 100x worse. Try not to take on board anything that they say and cut all ties. You’ll find down the line that doing so will help more than anything. Keeping in touch with an abusive person is detrimental to your mental health and can cause more harm than it’s worth. Understand your worth above all else and you’ll find a way.

How to move on

Once you have managed to move on from the relationship, you can start to rebuild your life, see new people and begin again. If your relationship became abusive, you can seek help from psychiatrists and doctors, and even claim compensation as a victim of abuse.

Guest Article written by Gina Kay Daniel

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